Nick's Story

    I have the pleasure of working with Nick nearly every Wednesday in AWANA clubs, for about an hour and a half. Now, five-year-old Nick has a bad rap- he's generally been known to be a nuisance and disorderly terror. He wouldn't follow directions, and we would always have to be yelling at him. He would turn sullen and sit under the table, where he would pick on the other children, or he would get angry and lash out, either throwing things or hitting. It was a very stressful situation for all of us: the other leaders, me, Nick, and the other children. The other children were figuring out that Nick was a 'bad' kid, and he would get in trouble.
    We had Nick evaluated by someone who worked with children with behavior disorders and mental disorders, and it was her opinion that Nick has some form of ADD. Many of his siblings, I have noticed, act much like Nick, and can be nearly unmanageable. She gave us some tips for how to deal with Nick, and we started off. We really didn't want to seperate him from the other children, but there was a lot of pressure to do so. However, I was certainly concerned about his social development, and I didn't want to risk furthering his difficulties. I got quite persuasive, and ended up getting the responsibility (and pleasure!) of working with Nick nearly exclusively, but in the same room and with the other children. So, he had personal guidance, but he also would be able to interact with the other children.
    Since then, I have gotten to know Nick even better. Although he was thought to be somewhat mentally retarded and put in the classroom with the 3-year-olds, I soon found out that he was at least as bright as the other children. I'm going to reiterate that: Nick is at least as intelligent as his peers. He simply has so much going on in his head that he has trouble getting it out. But Nick has helped me to understand both him and how to help him. One night he was busy destroying a toy ark with a puppet and eating all the toy people inside. I took another puppet and tried to rescue his poor victims, also trying to distract him by the new fun game. The puppets fought and Nick laughed, and then my puppet tickled him. This turned into an epiphany.
    Now, whenever possible (sometimes the atmosphere is hectic, which doesn't help Nick) we'll play with puppets before doing verses. As soon as the puppet abruptly disappears, Nick knows it's time to get to work. And when he's finished with his verses, it's play time again. This encourages Nick to work hard, and he does very well now. He's also having less behavior problems by far- in fact it almost seems like he's a completely different kid! I've learned how to deal with him and step by step explain what needs to be done. He doesn't get as frustrated now, and he accomplishes ten times more than before, nearly every night. The other children are having more fun now, too, and learning more because they don't have to worry about Nick's next outburst.
    I've learned to give him some slack- Nick knows that he has to sit at the table with the other children while they do verses, but since he's shy and trusts me, he doesn't have to say his verses at the table where everyone can hear (although everyone hears when he gets them!). He also doesn't have to sit completely still- he can wiggle as long as he stays in the seat. He can also tell me he needs a drink of water whenever he needs to get out of the classroom for a while, although he needs to wait for me to come with him. And I don't pick on every little slip-up he has. Some minor ones I ignore, sometimes I'll just give him a look, or maybe say his name, or whisper in his ear that he needs to behave. Sometimes I have to punish him, but that makes for a lot of stress, so thankfully I don't have to do that nearly so often anymore. I have to remember to let him out of the classroom for a break a little more often, and then I expect even the bus ride home will improve!
    I've been talking a lot about Nick's difficulties. I try not to when he's around, though- he needs a lot of encouragement and positive reinforcement. He knows he's different from the other kids, and he knows they know- it's a source of frustration for him. So when it's pointed out (like when he gets in trouble, since he used to get in trouble the most by far) he gets very angry and throws a temper tantrum. Anyway, I make sure to give Nick a lot of praise, and hugs, and smiles. They let him know that I'm on his side and I want him to do well, even when I have to punish him. They also encourage him and lessen the frustration he feels at being different. I listen to his garbled speech (because he has speaking difficulties as well) and try to decipher it as well as I can, taking time to listen to even the simplest message. Above all, I'm sure to let him know that he's a very special child and he can do excellent work and that I'm proud of him and love him. I just hope the rest of the world learns the same lesson and gives him the same messages.